"I don't know what I was thinking", said Donald Trump in a press conference today, "After conversations with party leaders, the public and my therapist... I have determined I do not possess the skills or temperament to lead this great nation."In further comments, he elaborated on how intense sessions with his personal therapist had helped him come to the realization that he has a lot to work on becoming a well-rounded, empathetic person.
"It mostly comes down to the narcissism", said Trump. "The xenophobia, misogyny, the bullying and vulgarity... they're in there too... just like my friend Mitt said. But I've realized I am an empty shell of a person without at least a little empathy, so I'm going to quit now and try to work on that". While he went on to relate how he does have some skills and traits that he's proud of, he said "I just need to stop using what skills I have to abuse people and get attention, I now realize it can't always be about me".
A shocked silence descended upon the room of reporters hanging on his every word as he continued, "So I'm dropping out, and I've decided to back John Kasich and put some money behind his efforts, I figure it's the least I can do: We need someone a lot more qualified that I was. "
He concluded the press conference by saying. "My apologies to all I have offended in my absolutely insane quest for power. With the time I have left on this earth, I'll be taking "The Giving Pledge" (http://givingpledge.org/) and working to put nearly all of my wealth to work for good charities. Maybe that way, I can actually help make America great again."
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