Wheels Coming Off

This is a great expression to use parenthetically. For example, "Yadda, yadda, blah, blah... and then the wheels came off". It expresses with great imagery how things went down the crapper (another great image) at the end of that sentence.

Apparently, I'm in danger of my wheels coming off. I've been told this on multiple occasions from multiple people. And not on my bike, either. Most modern (non-drugstore) bikes have these cool quick-release levers which allow you to take off the wheel to change the tire or perform maintenance. All you have to do is flip a little lever... no tools required. It seems this would put you in great danger of your wheel coming off. In actual fact, I once rode for several miles without engaging the little lever... but an ingenious metal ridge and gravity-friendly design ensured that my wheel and I did not part company.

But no, no... those aren't the wheels. No, the wheels we're talking about are put onto a solid steel axle the size of my fist with several lug nuts which you must lean on a two-foot wrench to remove. These wheels weigh nearly as much as my children. Unbelievably, they're on the verge of separation from my vehicle at any moment.

If you're a frequent reader of my blog (i.e., me, or someone I've asked more than once to read it) then you'll recall I had a traumatic flat tire a couple days back. Well, I got that fixed today, and the helpful mechanic said my balls were shot. Ball joints, that is... something in the wheel. Wisely, he did not threaten that my wheels were about to fly off as I finished plunking down nearly $600 for new SUV tires, but merely informed me in a friendly way. Kudos to the folks at Burt Brothers Tire. (By the way, my shocks are also shot.)

What is an enterprising programmer to do but consult "The Google"? Searching for Dodge Durango ball joints, I found a CBS News story which, you guessed it, told me my wheels were about to fall off, and mine is one of many vehicles are affected. These huge "balls of steel" are more vulnerable than they appear, perhaps.

Well, this is just perfect, because my very well-intentioned and safety-conscious sister, Jen, had just warned me a few days ago, that my other car's wheels were about to fall off, as well. It seems a similar wheel-ejecting phenomenon is present in the Honda Civic.

Man, and I thought my week was going so well there... and then the wheels came off.